I have consciously avoided using words like "diet" or "losing weight" because I feel health is what I want and need, and weight loss is not always the way to get it. Here's the sitch: I work out, using exercise videos or walking, usually six days a week, 45 minutes or so each time. I eat a healthy diet, including lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains. I have eaten this way for so long now that I prefer it. I think that my taste buds are more acute than are those of my smoking or meat-eating friends, so what may seem bland to others does not to me. ANd much of what I eat wouldn't be considered bland by anyone. Nevertheless, I still struggle with cravings, particularly in the afternoons and evenings. I eat for reasons other than hunger. Or I should say, my hunger is not for food. The end result is that although I eat healthily - usually even my binges are on foods that are generally categorized as "healthy" - I still eat too much to allow myself to lose weight.

I have been stuck on a plateau for about a year now. Give or take a few pounds. I suspect that I will not find really significant health advantages by being thinner. I could stay here and live a long healthy life. Nevertheless, for appearance and certain athletic activity reasons, I do want to lose about forty pounds.

On my frame, almost 5'-11", 40 pounds does not look like a lot. Most people think I am of "normal" weight for my frame, and some charts say so too. But if I lost this much I would notice a difference in my bike riding capacity and I would be able to wear some clothes that I don't want to wear right now. Especially sleeveless tops.

On the other hand, I am aware that if I were this lower weight I would have to subsist on even less food. Can I do it? Technically, yes, of course. But psychologically? I don't know. It may be too difficult for me to maintain, but I am not certain of that. I do know, for example, that at this present weight, in my present healthy and strong condition, I have the will and energy to do a lot of physical things that simply did not appeal to me before. Maybe I will continue to increase my physical activity level and staying slimmer will become that much easier.

Another thing to consider is that with my weight training I may opt for losing less than 40 pounds. I may find that I feel right after 25 or thirty, that the muscles make me as slim as I want to be.

All that said, I am starting fresh today. Making a mark in this journal, saying today I am starting again at 205 pounds. And I will keep track in here. Writing it in here will give me an added incentive, I think. It seems like a make fresh starts every couple of weeks, so this will be different, because I am keeping track beyond my diet program.