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I'm glad it's friday if only because I can choose not to expose this face to anyone for the next few days. It's been tough knowing how disgusting it looks.

Years ago, when I just entered college, I made a few friends in the music department. I was so unused to having real friends that I was tremendously insecure. When I went in for an operation on my eye, I came back to school wearing an eye patch. My eye was all bloodshot and somewhat swollen.

My friends wanted to see what my eye looked like and I refused. I felt that if they saw it they'd be repulsed and disgusted. They begged and begged and I just wouldn't give in.

This sunburn thing looks a lot worse than that ever did! So I guess I've come some distance over the years. Even so, each morning I look in the mirror and have to steel myself for the encounters of the day, in some ways particularly those where it isn't necessarily appropriate to say anything about my face.

When I brought Bullet in for his operation this morning I thought about what the folks at the desk might be thinking. They've seen me for years and I can imagine some conversations, if they in fact have them about clients:

"Did you see how she's gotten fat again?"

"And her face. She's really gone downhill".

Well, tough.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 29th, 2005 10:20 pm (UTC)
Yes, well tough is what I say too.
Just tell people you had a cosmetic peel and can't wait to see the new you underneath the redness in a few weeks.
Hope your kitty is OK.
Jul. 30th, 2005 12:03 am (UTC)
Thanks! I needed that! I am sure this is just about what a cosmetic peel looks like. Too bad there won't be fresh glowing wrinkle-free skin coming in. Well, damn. I do wish it didn't bother me.

Don't know about the kitty yet. He is home, hiding under the house (one of his fave spaces). He looks fine and I expect he'll get to eating when the anesthetic wears completely off. I got some cool pain reliever dose thingies from the vet. They look like those pill popper things you put pills into to shove down the cat's throat but they are much better! Each one contains one dose of a special liquid. All I have to do is get it onto his tongue or inside his mouth and it will be absorbed. No fighting the kitty to put a pill down.

I'll know some time next week what the biopsy tells. I'll try not to worry too much, because that doesn't so any good.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Judith Lautner
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