Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner
judith

friday

I'm glad it's friday if only because I can choose not to expose this face to anyone for the next few days. It's been tough knowing how disgusting it looks.

Years ago, when I just entered college, I made a few friends in the music department. I was so unused to having real friends that I was tremendously insecure. When I went in for an operation on my eye, I came back to school wearing an eye patch. My eye was all bloodshot and somewhat swollen.

My friends wanted to see what my eye looked like and I refused. I felt that if they saw it they'd be repulsed and disgusted. They begged and begged and I just wouldn't give in.

This sunburn thing looks a lot worse than that ever did! So I guess I've come some distance over the years. Even so, each morning I look in the mirror and have to steel myself for the encounters of the day, in some ways particularly those where it isn't necessarily appropriate to say anything about my face.

When I brought Bullet in for his operation this morning I thought about what the folks at the desk might be thinking. They've seen me for years and I can imagine some conversations, if they in fact have them about clients:

"Did you see how she's gotten fat again?"

"And her face. She's really gone downhill".

Well, tough.
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