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I haven't seen Michelle yet, or Mikey or James. Karol went over there again yesterday and bluntly told Michelle that the best thing she can do for her dad is to get a job. Michelle said that she would start looking tomorrow but it would take time. karol said the important thing is to get started. She also reiterated that Robbie and Reba need to be gone. They had some sad story about a car, said they can't leave yet, would leave tomorrow (today). karol said that she will be on top of that, will call again to make sure they are gone.

Most of us are wondering about what valuables Mike has left. Most have been stolen from him, but there may be some things still worth something.

Cathy asked Cat directly about Michelle's drug use, and Cat finally broke and said "you didn't hear it from me". Yes, she's using. Cat is feeling more protective about Michelle now.

Last night Cathy, Bitty, Susan, and I had dinner with Melanie and Ben, Susan's and Bitty's son and daughter-in-law (who is pregnant). Melanie is about Mary's age, as I recall. We had a lot of laughs and Cathy said some things that I think relieved the tension. She talked about taking advantage and shaving Mike's head. Then we could laugh about it when he is well again, if he ever is. Of course if he doesn't get well that would not look good. We talked about memories some of us had and others didn't. We seem to have highly selective memories, just grabbed a piece here and there, nothing really full. I have vague memories about certain incidents and Cathy and Bitty have vague memories about others. We have shared some of them now...

" I think we finally figured out about the knife now," said Cathy.

"What knife?" I asked.

"You know, Mike and Bitty and the knife. Mike was the one who went to the kitchen and grabbed the knife."

"He chased me with it," says Bitty.

I remember none of this.

Similarly, Cathy tells of her time in Disneyland when she was fifteen and I was nineteen. I was in college then but at home. It is as if we lived such separate lives that we were on alternate universes. I remember feeling no connection to her at the time. She cannot remember the main incident of all our lives, the night her father was forced out of the house for good. The rest of us have differing memories but at least they are consistent.

And the time Mike sat down on the yard shears and cut his butt open. I can vaguely remember something about garden shears but have no real memory, may just be imagining it. We called Mike accident-prone. He had one motorcycle accident after another, and we started counting stitches, looking for some kind of record.

It really is good to be having this time with the sisters. It is awful that it has to be for this reason.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Jan. 10th, 2005 02:59 pm (UTC)
Your account of these days haunts me.

My thoughts are staying with you.

Love from Jackie
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


Judith Lautner
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