Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

The Tyranny of Fat

I am fat again.

I live in fear of ballooning to my all-time highs. It wouldn't take that much and I've done it before.

The difficulty in being fat is that it self-perpetuates. When I am fat it is harder for me to move, I feel more tired, my bones and joints hurt more. What makes my body feel good is to sit down, or, better yet, lie down.

I have never really seen any health articles that address this part of being fat. How horribly difficult it can be just to walk around the block. How people look at you when you do. How one has to call on reserves again and again, like a critically ill person, to get through a day that would be normal for a thinner person.

So naturally I start over again and again, determined to get back into my former life of reasonable eating habits and exercise. Drinking lots of water. Finding a way to exercise without pain. Sticking to it. I know what to do but it is hard. I'm just stating it. I'm not looking for advice. I'll say that again. I'm not looking for advice.

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