Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

The joy of depression

I have named it. I am depressed today. I am at the lowest ebb I have been in in quite a while. But it's okay! I have been here before, I know it, it's familiar, and I know I'll move on past it. Also, crying is good. I have had a couple of opportunities to do that today: during the exercise video, during the movie I saw (Home at the end of the World), and now after watching the ER I recorded. In the first case, I was upset because I found it so difficult to do certain moves on the video, then the movie and ER pulled out familiar feelings from inside me. Loneliness and the inability to trust. So it's pity time! I get to wallow for a while and I'm not even bothering anyone! It's all good, really.

Sometimes I can get it out by listening to music. I wonder what the music does to me, how it triggers the crying jag. I do know that crying brings out the endorphins. So bring it on!  No, really. It is all good, it's fine, I am enjoying my self-pity in my pitiful way.

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