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being served

One thing that often makes me uncomfortable is "being served". It seems like people who serve are offering themselves in a subservient way. I tip well in restaurants and appreciate what servers in that capacity do, and I don't feel all that uncomfortable in that situation.

I dislike being hovered over, particularly in a personal setting, like in a family group. One of my sisters tends to hover and try to anticipate the needs of others. If I just mention that a glass of water sounds good, she is up out of her chair heading for the water glass. She might also ask if she can bring me something else or do something for my legs or whatever. I have to watch what I say.

Yet there is another type. Yesterday I was sitting down, reading, and it was hot. I got up to get myself a glass of ice water. I thought, how nice it would be if Paul offered to get me a glass of water. I don't know why. Then, today at work a coworker told me he was going on a Starbucks run and did I want anything, and I loved that. I wrote down what I wanted, went back to my computer, and patiently waited for the drink to arrive. I find this kind of "service" special and attentive and I do like it. I don't know why!


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 7th, 2004 11:37 am (UTC)
just a guess.. you want to be served on your own time, on your own terms?

i don't like being hovered over, either. it feels smothering, and it interferes with my energy field! my old boss had a term for it - bird-dogging.
Sep. 7th, 2004 11:48 am (UTC)
Something like that. In the two cases I mentioned, though, I was not the instigator. I imagined Paul asking if I wanted a drink, and I responded to Larry's offer.

A part of it is that neither of these two persons is forever hovering or offering. Paul will bring things in unasked - like flowers, wine, and yogurt - and ice cream - but that's a little different, though also nice. But he's not forever hanging around anticipating how he can help. Thank heaven for that.

There have been times when I have been "occupied" - occupied by two cats on my lap, specifically - and when Paul has happened into the kitchen I have asked him to refill my coffee cup. That has been nice, too. I suppose it would not be the same if I were always asking, though. Perhaps it is partly the rarity that appeals to me.

I have known others, besides that sister, who hover. A friend, when I visit, is always looking for things to do for me, and I get vastly uncomfortable if I can't somehow change the direction of our conversation so that she forgets to offer.
Sep. 7th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
maybe it's the difference between being thoughtful and anticipating your needs vs. insisting & demanding? or maybe it's a guy/chivalry thing? my head is too fuzzy atm to figure it out, but it gives rise to interesting thought. (you're very good at that, btw!)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


Judith Lautner
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