Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

I think I understand why a lot of my self-doubts come from.

I started a yahoo group for my family. Some members of the fam took to it enthusiastically, signed right up. Others finally caved and joined. Many others do not respond to numerous requests or say they will get to it some time.

That's all well and good, of course. People like different ways of communicating.

However, when I post items to this group, particularly new photographs or files, or links to web sites, I get very little response. I recently asked the group for help in reviewing my efforts to create streaming audio files. I wanted to see if everyone could successfully hear the file and if they had any comments about it. Over several days, four people tried. One was successful right away, the second got it the second try, the third hasn't figured out that the AOL browser is the culprit, and the fourth works where such things rarely work, an odd techie environment. When the first people tried it and it did not work, and we discovered it was the AOL browser that was causing the problem, the discussion diverted to AOL and how much it costs. None of the persons chatting about this topic had tried the sound file.

After a few days, I asked again if people would try it on their computers. No response at all.

Consistently, there are three people who usually try, who usually look at what I have done, or often do. The rest just about never do. I do not understand it and it often makes me feel badly.

I know I sound whiny and self-obsessed. But this weighs on me. I feel like I can't get the support I need or want from my own family. We have, as a group, really been trying to improve our communications and to listen to each other, and I think this is a good thing. I wonder, though, if there is a limit to it, a limit that says all discussions shall be light and fluffy and nobody should expect anyone else to take a little time to learn more about each other.

Perhaps this is the way it has to be for now. We are a severely damaged family. We are trying to mend in what ways we can. I am expecting an awful lot. What concerns me is my own inclination to walk away, essentially. A desire to leave the group behind, to respond to others' posts but post nothing new of my own, and to use this means, this journal, and others, to ask questions or otherwise solicit response. I guess that's the problem: my need for some response to some things that I am doing. I wonder sometimes if I might have done better being a newspaper reporter or columnist.

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