Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

Too much of a day in some ways.

Harry found a home. He is now named Dory. I did not ask the spelling. He is living with a young woman and her daughter, daughter about eight. They seemed to love him right off, just by looking at the sweetheart.

I felt such a lurch! So hard to leave him. And I worried. Will they bring him in for follow-up vaccinations? Will they get a carrier for him? Will they take good care of my sweet kitty?

Then Toupee. Poor little guinea pig had not been eating or drinking, had been hiding in his little house, not looking well. Mary didn't know what to do, went on the attack, called Elaine: "Your guinea pig is sick".

I offered to pay for his care at the vet's and Elaine took him there. He had a fracture in a leg that was causing him great pain. He also had some kind of growth, could be cancer. The vet felt he was so weak and thin that pain killers alone might kill him.

Both Mary and Elaine called me. I said I thought euthanasia was the answer. I remembered Toonces and Tiger and the pain they suffered needlessly because I wasn't facing reality. I thought he deserved to be released from the pain. Yet, after talking to them, I thought, well, what if he can get better? What have I suggested? And I felt such hurt. What have I done this time?

elaine called, crying, "It's over". Poor sweetie, Elaine. She said, though, that the vet theorized that the pig had cancer first and the fracture was only incidental. This fits the symptoms. It makes me feel better. I saw Toonces suffer through cancer, should have taken him out of that misery far sooner.

Joey will be hurt. I hope he hurts, feels, for the little pig. I want to know he feels for others, is capable of empathy. It's the only hope for this world, that people feel.

After giving away my kitty, I headed for the hills. I hiked the Maino open space. Near the beginning I got a call on my cell phone from Jill. I had forgotten yet another therapy appointment. We had the session through the cell phone, while I continued to hike. I wonder what this means, that I have forgotten these appointments three times now.

Then home. It's been enough, too much.

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