Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

I want

I want - and wanting, as we know, is the source of all pain and suffering.

Today I wanted a wall to be torn down. A wall that was required to be torn down in the conditions of approval of the project, a wall that is in the right-of-way, a wall that blocks views of the ocean through the yards on either side - while the general plan requires these views to be maintained - I wanted the condition to be upheld, I wanted us to do the right thing.

But once again I was foiled. I know that for my mental health my best bet is to let it go. The rich win again. The behind-the-scenes manipulations and threats win again. Let it go. People who live this way have to live with themselves and I would not want that. People who live this way may have no sense of wrongdoing, of course, and that, too, that is something I want. I want them to know they are wrong.

But wanting does me no good. It gives me pain, causes me to feel anger. Where does this get me, really?

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