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tired and stuck in traffic

When I am tired, little things seem bigger, I get edgier, I am not as able to see clearly or to calm myself.

Tonight I have another workshop to handle and I haven't figured out the best way to organize it yet. I am hoping I can make it work reasonably smoothly. But this isn't my area of expertise and I would have preferred to have more knowledge, experience, in doing this sort of thing.

I woke several times during the night last night, after going to bed quite late, thinking about the workshop and what I need to do for it. I finally got up a little after five, dwelling on it and very tired. I have felt death-like all day.

It didn't help that I got caught in a dreadful traffic jam. There was an accident on the highway ahead of me, probably happened shortly after I got on, and therefore I spent over an hour on the road when it is usually not much over fifteen minutes. I was tense during the time, irritated at drivers who cut into the bike lane to get ahead. I wasn't taking my own advice, to make the most of it. The best of it.

Then I finally got home and turned on the computer and everything slowed to a stop there as well. Another traffic jam, perhaps. I restarted twice. It still isn't wonderful. But at least I was able to get a little main and check my bank balance.

I am sure my blood pressure is high right now. What do I need? I really wanted to take a nap before I got in that traffic, then I gave up that idea. But why not? Fifteen minutes or so could make a big difference. Get me somewhat refreshed for the meeting, and I may even put on a fresh top, feel a bit more human. If human is what I want to feel like.


Judith Lautner
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January 2012


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