Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner


I suspect that depression is based on lack of control. Lack of control of our thoughts, specifically, but perhaps signaling a lack of control of bigger things in our lives.

I took a short "depression quiz" today, 25 questions, actually well-tested, considered a good gauge of depression. In general, I abhor these types of tests, simply because they are used by doctors as if they were physical tests, as if they prove something biological, and that is one thing they do not do.

But I took the test because I have decided to go through this book, Feeling Good: the new mood therapy, mainly to work out some residual problems I seem to have. I have decided to do all the little written exercises in the book, and taking this test is one of them.

Imagine my surprise to find that I scored as "moderately depressed" on it. I thought, well, I'm not actually depressed but I'll take the test because I want to do this thing right, and there it is, not what I'd call conclusive proof of anything but still an indicator.

It did make me think about all the little things nagging at me, which I won't list here, at least not now. And made me recognize how much worse I've been. Also, how much better I can get, how much better I can feel.

Fortunately, the reason I have come this far is that I have already used many of the techniques in this book. So I know they work. I just need to fill in the blanks, do a more thorough job.

Control. I am getting a hold on my eating habits again, am getting a grip on my mind, how my brain works. I tend to need tools for these things, and I have them.

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