Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner


I can tell I'm in a stressed state because I have been swearing at inanimate objects all morning.

This week is really booked, and I think that's part of the cause, and my upcoming trip to Las Vegas means lost income and a gap in the time I can work on various projects, and there are different things I'd like to be getting to, like the damage to my front bumper (I am remembering backing out of the driveway the other day and getting the angle wrong, pulling on the bumper as I backed out. The results are now obvious.), and the cat to the vet for his follow-up shots, and getting someone to build new steps for my front porch (I do have a lead). Last night's City Council meeting was just the starting trigger, or maybe most recent trigger really, for the stress response.

I recognize, yet, that this vulnerable state is not always bad. A man I met a few years ago wanted to have a go at me after a particularly exhausting day. He was attracted to that vulnerability in me when I reach this state. I understood that. On the one hand, I ask myself, why can't I get directly to this kind of openness, this fragility, without having to exhaust or stress myself. On the other, I ask, why not just accept this about me?

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