She has now gone out with Char to take some pix they planned to do a few days ago. I did more digging and found the envelope of receipts pinned to her bulletin board.
In the confusion I managed to start believing that the envelope's loss was my fault. That somehow, in steam-cleaning the carpet, I misplaced it or threw it away. I don't see how I could be that careless, knowing its value. Yet I was feeling guilty. So strange.
I was so relieved to find it that I called elaine's cell phone. she did not answer so I left a message saying where I found it, saying I would put it back there. I feel very very relieved.
There's always something, every time I come here. I can't seem to avoid some kind of misunderstanding with elaine or mary or both. Heaven knows I have tried. I wonder sometimes if I have some kind of fogger turned on, making things unclear sometimes.
The carpet looks good. The whole apartment. Took most of the afternoon. That got me thinking, of course. What would I do if I could do anything I wanted all day long? Would I want to go to stores, to shop? Would I lie in bed, unsure where the hours were? Would I be what I think of as productive? Would it scare me? I somehow think I'd be fine, because I spent several months without work after I quit SLO, and I worked on writing and organizing my life and I think those are good things. I did not need the "planner" label, I did not need any label. Maybe I will get my chance to find out.