Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

I'm fidgety tonight. I did sleep a while, then woke and lay there thinking. I was dwelling on circumstances in the book I am reading: A Fairly Honourable Defeat, by Iris Murdoch, thinking ahead, actually half-dreaming, I think, of what is going to happen.

And I was thinking about Paul and his comments and Duncan's comments, and feeling generally out of sorts.

I'm okay, I went to sleep early because I was feeling so sleepy. I am wondering if the Vioxx has the same effect that way or if it is just this depression. The depression is not as bad now. I am managing.

Yesterday at noon I went to Scolari's, bought a cup of coffee and a biscotti, and sat in one of the dirty plastic chairs out front, reading. I noticed that the wind was blowing lightly around there, and it had picked up a two-part petal of a reddish flower and was blowing it in circles. I watched it tear around in little circles for a while, then suddenly it was dropped and lay still. The wind picked it up again, and I decided I had to have it. I got up, approached the petal, stood in the middle of the whirlwind for a bit before I was able to grab the thing, gently, because I did not want to smash it. I brought it back to the table with me to look at. It is two petals, overlapped, with stamens (I think that's the name) in between. I don't know the flower but it looks a bit like bougainvillea. It was mostly dried, wrinkled, yet kept much of the color. I put it in my wallet, in part to remind me of the delights all around. For it was that. The circling made me smile, the form of the flower made me smile. I realized then that I was not feeling particularly depressed.

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