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thoughts on disability

On my way home today I stopped at a wall on Bullock Lane to rest my leg. I looked up at the South Street Hills and thought about climbing up there and how impossible that seems right now. I actually started to cry, to feel sorry for myself. I'm damned good at feeling sorry for myself.

I thought about how much I love to walk and how I would handle life if I no longer could. I know I could handle it. I would find a way to get around in my wheelchair or whatever. I know I could handle it. But what if my communication skills went away?

It's ironic. The Great Communicator. Communication is where I excel. And yet in my off hours I speak to almost nobody. These great skills of mine are put to no use at all. Except that I store thoughts away to put in my journal or into a story or some other piece of writing or to talk about with someone some day. If I could no longer talk or write...I don't know if I could get past that.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 30th, 2002 03:20 pm (UTC)
Have you thought of going to see that nice chiropractor lady? This sounds like something different; maybe she can shed some light on it and help you get past it. I know about feeling sorry for yourself. I have done that a few times myself the past few months.
Jun. 30th, 2002 03:27 pm (UTC)
I did think of that. I also thought about going to the walk-in clinic at general hospital, maybe tomorrow afternoon. That's where we indigents go, you see. I would have to steel myself for waiting for hours in the midst of screaming kids and such a lovely environment, but maybe it would be worth it.

I don't know if Deborah could investigate, find the problem, without X-rays. My knee doesn't look any different from the outside and I am not sure if Deborah could find the cause by feel. So maybe just go to the clinic. I really thought it might get better on its own but I am losing hope of that.

Thanks for understanding. Partners in self-pity.
Jun. 30th, 2002 06:14 pm (UTC)
It is really hard to tell sometimes if you should try to work the pain out or let it rest and heal. I went through the same thing with my left shoulder in the hospital. Only a few months ago I had sprained my right shoulder and it felt exactly the same.

So I started favoring my left shoulder but I talked to the docs about it and they all told me it was the Guillain-Barre that was causing it so I changed my plan and started working it.
Jun. 30th, 2002 07:20 pm (UTC)
Yes. Exactly. Obviously I have been trying to work through it, thinking keeping active would help it heal. That does not seem to work. so it's time to check it out. If it isn't all healed or on its way tomorrow, that is.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Judith Lautner
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