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It took me 60 minutes to walk downtown today, not counting my time at Utopia bakery. It usually takes forty minutes. My leg radiates pain and stiffness from the knee to the sides and on down the calf. I don't actually have to grit my teeth with each step but the stiffness is there and the pain is there with almost every step. It seemed like it eased off after about 20 minutes of walking, but then it came back again.

I stopped at Utopia for a coffee and something to eat. I had a bread pudding, which, like most bread puddings, was quite heavy. And good. While I sat there The Poet came in. Michael. I love seeing him now and then, crossing paths, being aware of him while he is if anything only vaguely aware of me. I was attracted to him when we first met but he has never given any sign that he is attracted to me. So I enjoy the attraction-from-a-distance. It seems I enjoy seeing him every time, even though I rarely speak to him. A small pleasure I take away with me. Chances are I might not even like him much if I got to know him better, but from what I did get to know I like him a lot. Imagination, sense of humor, sexiness.

What I would like now is to meet someone I know and like who just happens to offer me a ride home. I really could do without the walk back in the heat with this leg. But it's doubtful I will meet anyone I know and especially anyone I know and like. ANd especially especially anyone I know and like who offers me a ride home. As long as I'm wishing, I might ask that this person offers to keep an eye on my cats while I'm away.

I saw "Half Magic" at Barnes & Noble and bought it for Joey, even though he is not old enough to enjoy it. Later, I hope, he will reach into his shelves and wonder, "what's this book?" and start reading, and love it the way I did when I was young.


Judith Lautner
Judy's home

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January 2012


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