Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

The dangerous magic of touch

Not that it was any mystery to me, but when my sister mentioned the power of someone "invading my space" I thought about it seriously. When Dwain hugged me the other night I did feel such relief, such warmth, I felt such love. The touch itself was powerful. Dwain has always had the power to consume others with his touch. He doesn't know it. He'd be surprised to hear this and probably wouldn't agree. But I've felt it and seen him with others.

Is it, then, the touch alone that wields the power? Just reaching that close to another, coming in without being asked? Not alone, I think, but I do believe that when it is assumed, when there is no asking for permission, it is more powerful.

On my way home the other night I thought, what if he comes to my house tonight? What if he pulls into my driveway as he used to do and climbs into bed with me? I would let him, of course. But I would be thrown and not ready. I am not ready to assume that place again and might lose a chance to sort it out and get it right if he were to slip in like that. I found I was not wanting him to come by, as much as I wanted him before.

I need to be wary of this power, not let my longing for physical contact and desire overtake my more important needs. Not just with Dwain but with any man who comes into my life.

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