Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

Here's what happens

I keep careful track of what I eat. I realize that I am more vulnerable in the evenings so I do my best not to eat in the evenings. Sometimes I just drink a lot of water, or I tell myself I can have a thing in five minutes, keep putting it off. Or I drink coffee or broth or tea. So I do this, I feel I've got the thing under control, and then the day comes when something triggers a binge and I eat maybe 50% more than normal. Maybe more. WHat triggers it, I wonder. I usually go back, get it under control again, soon, and it never gets seriously out of control. Well, it did for a while there, quite a while back, when I gained, first five, then ten, then twenty pounds, from my low point. I got it back under control then and I keep going back, keep starting over, and here I am. It's a life trip.

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