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witching hours

I lay in bed, unable to get comfortable. Simba was next to my head, purring, insinuating himself wherever it looked good. I could tell my arms were not relaxed, my neck was stiff, my mind was racing. It felt like I was starting to get a headache. Finally I got up. A little before eleven. I took two excedrin migraine tablets, took a nice hot shower, then swallowed a Kava Kava tablet and one of meltonin. Grabbed a book off my shelf of unread books from the library sales. A Civil Action. It's about time for light reading, I think, something absorbing without being taxing.

As I sat on the couch with my lap blanket on top of me I could hear the rush of noise in my head. I wondered if this noise is always there, if I will never be free of it. My stepmother Elizabeth used to hear some kind of ringing in her ears so she turned on a "pillow radio" every night. This radio is designed to be placed under a pillow. The radio drowned out any ringing. In my case, the computer is usually on while I am awake. This sound alone is probably enough to block out that rushing, quiet roar I hear. And I like to have the television on for company often. So I don't know for sure if that noise is always there. It seems like I would have noticed it on one of these hikes when I stopped to listen to the silence.

It wasn't enough to read, though. I had to get up, turn on the computer, write in this journal. I am sneezing now. Am I getting sick? I don't think so. But I am feeling the need to get a break, to have some time off. I may not be able to manage it until the end of March. That seems a long time.


Judith Lautner
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January 2012


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