September 29th, 2008

Roman

discoveries via kitty

I am watching a lot more television during the daytime since I have been feeding the Bullet. It's easier for me to sit quietly on the couch with the soulful kitty when I have something to watch on the television. Today, rather than watch House or hunt down some kind of true crime thing I went for free movies on OnDemand television. I found one called Carrington, starring Emma Thompson. It is the story of Dora Carrington, painter, and Lytton Strachey, poet. Strachey was gay but was attracted in an odd way to the boyish Carrington. She returned his affection and grew to love him. It's a tragic story that has many very good and even funny moments. Like this one:

Lady Ottoline Morrell: You know as well as I do it's a sickness with Carrington. A girl of that age still a virgin. It's absurd.
Lytton Strachey: I was still a virgin at her age.
Lady Ottoline Morrell: But that's my whole point. Don't you see ? So was I. Is there to be no progress ?


Strachey found writing difficult and at one point says "I'm better at living than at writing". I can relate to that.

Later, as Strachey lies in bed, deathly ill, he says "If this is dying I don't think much of it".

I have, of course, hunted down images of paintings by Carrington. I rather like them. I had never heard of her before and now I want prints.
Roman

The power bill

For the third month in a row my gas and electricity bills are within the first tier. Really low bills. One thing I did last month was to lower the temperature of my gas water heater. I am seeing the benefits of that move. I even think I can lower it a bit more. I do not know what else I have been doing differently these months, to lower the electricity bill. Although I've been traveling and that might be all this is. Still, I'm encouraged and hope I can keep it up.
Roman

sad

I am depressed right now. I know I will get past it and I know how and I'll do what I need to do. Right now though I am sad and I'll stay sad for a while.

When I was feeding Bullet today I noticed some red bubbles coming from his mouth. Blood? What is going on in there? Does it hurt? I want to call the vet and make an appointment to bring him in again, but first I want to clean him up. I can't stand that he is looking so sad, so matted, so messy, not what he wants to be. So I am going to clear space in the kitchen so I can try to clean him gently. I have developed a method for keeping the mess off him in future feedings: I just keep a towel over his fur, between the fur and the feeding tube, and when it splats it splats on the towel. So if I can get the fur clean I might be able to keep it that way. We'd both feel better. And if I have to say goodby to him soon I will feel better that I at least did that for him.

It is too hard for me to call anyone right now. I need to back off the sadness a bit first.

I wonder if the vet thinks about these things. I think I am stronger than most companion animal people. But maybe I hurt more? Does she expect I will throw in the towel or tough it out? Either way it's not a good situation. I wish I had asked more questions before we got here. Might not have made a difference but I would have understood more, sooner. The bottom line here is I want to do what is best for Bullet and I don't know what it is.