May 21st, 2005



A headache came on in the night. When I get them it feels too difficult to get up and take some migraine meds, unless they are right there on my bedside table. So I stayed in a waking-sleeping state, headache prominent, until I finally had to get up to deal with it. It was major but it seems to be easing now. I took some excedrin migraine as soon as I was up and it's kicking in.

It's been a little while since I had one. I do think I earned this one.

Depression discussions

Whenever the topic of depression and antidepressants comes up in one of these communities, I feel the urge to contribute. But my position is such an unacceptable one these days that I am always attacked. What is distressing to me is that people will form their opinions of these drugs based on scant information, yet challenge my position, which is backed by substantial studies and books by people who have bothered to do the work. What I need to do is to ignore the discussion or else simply offer my position as stated on my web page on the subject and leave it at that. Walk away. There seems to be no benefit to getting into any further discussion because people who know way less than I tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. But they aren't willing to find out for themselves, to question their own beliefs.

I used to believe exactly the way these folks did. It was a long journey to where I am now.  I try to be sympathetic but after a while I just can't be. Why would you want to be a victim? Why would you want to believe you don't have the power but these drugs do? Why wouldn't you want to find out more?


My chorale costume no longer fits. I am squeezed into it like a sausage and the seams started separating on my sleeves - I had to perform an emergency operation, sewing them up. At the same time I ripped out the shoulder pads, because my shoulders are broad enough as it is.

I just need to stay together through the concert. Then I can change.