Judith's thought-provoking soul-searching journal

There is some hope for this novel. I still don't know that it will be worth going back over and editing to death later, but it does have direction and a kind of theme that I like. I feel a great deal of relief that at least it is giving me chances to explore some of my obsessions. Natalie Goldberg, in Writing Down the Bones, says if you have serious obsessions give them their time, don't quash them, or they will take over everything you do. It may be that this is all I am doing right now, giving them head. But as a part of that I am getting an occasional chance to write feelings that are real and raw. Right now there is precious little of this, which is why I have felt such frustration, but I have hope. There are some opportunities in front of me.

I am glad that I have recorded this noveling journey so far. I will be able to go back the next time I take the plunge and say to myself, "see how impossible it seemed then?" I am sure I will finish by the end of the month. I will walk in to see my therapist, who is excited that I am doing this, and say, "It is done! It is awful but in some places there is a hint of gold." That will be enough.

Right now...a bit over 18,000 words. My goal for today is 19,550.

Mike has been awake for a while now, and is using a little chart  of letters to spell out words, because he is still not talking. He understands the need for a power of attorney and will be signing one this week, naming me as attorney.

My sisters and I have managed to get the information we need to pay a great many of his bills, but did not track down the cable bill and that has been suspended for nonpayment. When I get the power of attorney I can approach each of these agencies and get those account numbers and get things mailed directly to me. So far so good!

What a trip this has been. I think the worst is behind us all. AT least I hope so.

I've thought about making the sims part of the story, the novel, or making an obsession with the sims part of it, but neither has found its way in. There are definite frustrations in dealing with these recalcitrant creatures. Today two sisters started fighting and I found I was enjoying it. I made them fight more. There are times I want to slap them all. Especially the babies and children! So why do I keep playing? So many reasons, I think. Seeing what I can make happen, watching the genetic changes, seeing if I can keep the buggers happy, and yeah, making them fight. There have been strange times, too, when I have couples going at it in bed - making out, really - and it gets to me. That is, the "graphic" nature of the activity reaches inside me to a place that is not normally part of my gameplaying self.  I rather enjoy that I have populated a great deal of the neighborhoods. ANd of course I still like building the homes. I am much faster at it than I used to be.

I haven't neglected Super Granny altogether. I take her out now and then. I am on level 74. It seems wise to take it slowly for the remaining levels.

Tomorrow in the novel I will be passing 20,000 words. wooo!!