September 25th, 2004



I did the Prime Power workout again. This time I simply fast-forwarded through the dips. I felt I was adjusting more and enjoying it less. So many things that I can't do right now. I still feel it was worth going through it for those things I did, but I am going to look at getting on an exercise bike and maybe swimming part of the time until this flareup is eased.

Not such a grand day so far. I have done a few flylady things, though! cleared part of my bedroom, cleared off part of my piano. And I am keeping my two cleared hotspots clear - the living room table and the kitchen table. My aim is to clear all of them. And there are so many! It's funny, really.

The joy of depression

I have named it. I am depressed today. I am at the lowest ebb I have been in in quite a while. But it's okay! I have been here before, I know it, it's familiar, and I know I'll move on past it. Also, crying is good. I have had a couple of opportunities to do that today: during the exercise video, during the movie I saw (Home at the end of the World), and now after watching the ER I recorded. In the first case, I was upset because I found it so difficult to do certain moves on the video, then the movie and ER pulled out familiar feelings from inside me. Loneliness and the inability to trust. So it's pity time! I get to wallow for a while and I'm not even bothering anyone! It's all good, really.

Sometimes I can get it out by listening to music. I wonder what the music does to me, how it triggers the crying jag. I do know that crying brings out the endorphins. So bring it on!  No, really. It is all good, it's fine, I am enjoying my self-pity in my pitiful way.