Judith's thought-provoking soul-searching journal

Last night I wanted to sleep. I had not slept well the night before, and the poison oak on my hands concerned me. I also had walked a while and my knee was bothering me. So I took Tylenol PM. I take this rarely because I don't want to become addicted, but I admit to liking it. I slept well, woke up and it was morning. I wanted to go back to sleep but the cats didn't want me to so I got up.

I know there are more natural ways to get to sleep at night. Not eating in the evening. Taking deep breaths. Reading affirmations. Taking some natural sleep-inducers, but right now I am not thinking what they are.

It is hard for me to "come down". I want to keep thinking. That keeps me from sleeping.

Tired again. yesterday didn't go as badly as I expected. I stayed awake, didn't feel tired. And I think I felt this way at the start. So there's hope. Perhaps I'll stop somewhere for coffee and a bite of life.

I was a lot more tired when I got home today than I was yesterday. And I got home earlier, left work at two because I worked through my normal lunch hour. I had to deal with several little fires so I felt a little stressed, but at least needed.

I stopped at Schlotzsky's, had a sandwich, salad, drink, which all felt good, felt healthy, didn't overburden my system. I dropped off a bag full of stuff at Goodwill, then went home. After fiddling around a bit, thinking about my walk for the day, where to go, I got to feeling so groggy that I lay down until four, I guess about a half-hour. Then took off for a walk, from which I have just returned. I feel a bit better. I would feel a lot better if my knee didn't hurt. I would love to contemplate walking and walking, getting stronger and stronger, walking many hours, like Paul Farmer, the doctor in Haiti, and just feeling energized by it. Instead I would be crippled. I know I whine too much about this but it is going to take some time to overcome the loss of the ability to walk the way I once did, once loved.