November 5th, 2003


What I know and what is keeping me from using it

My "assignment" this week from my creativity coach is to look at what I know that is important, and what is keeping me from using it. I can look at this assignment in any way I want.

Last night I reread some entries from a notebook journal I keep on an erratic basis. I remembered that I was using a writing "trigger". This one: write my biography from different angles. I wrote short pieces based on my life in photography, cooking, being fat (I keep thinking this is the central theme in my life, yet I have not been able to find the way through it), going to school, my early years.

I had copied a quotation from Deena Metzger: Creativity and self-knowledge - one informs the other. I don't think it's a great quotation from the standpoint of how it is worded (I dislike the use of "inform" in this way, for example) but I wanted to remember it.

As I write this I come back to that "fat" theme. That's what I know about. It's important. I did a rapid "bubbling" (can't think of the right term) on "weight", on the back of a large piece of wrapping paper, taped to the door where I can see it from here. I did this some time ago, several months. I put "weight" in a circle in the center and branched off that, coming up with many different approaches to the subject. I had hoped that the "right" approach would come to me through this method, as it has for others.

Now that I have this assignment I am going to look at this graphic again and see if it leads me somewhere. AT least - what is stopping me? What is keeping me from using it?

sympathetic plumber

The plumber came today. I told him my situation: that I had replaced the wax seal several times, had replaced the parts inside the toilet, and this would work for a while, but eventually it would leak from the bottom again. I said the toilet is not level on the floor, and that I believe this is where the problem really lies.

He agreed with me. He nodded sympathetically, said he was sorry to have to tell me this, but that there was really nothing for it but to call in someone to fix the floor. He had seen this situation many times and it was not fixable except by such drastic means.

Unfortunately, he knew nobody he could suggest to do the work. He did suggest that I use a licensed contractor, and I certainly agree with that (having had enough of the other kind). He practically clicked his tongue in commiseration, asked for no money for his trouble, and left me to it.

I went to the yellow pages, found "home maintenance and repair", and lit upon a familiar name. A business that had started out as an appliance repair business from a home. I was working for this city at the time and had to tell this person that he was not permitted to repair washers and dryers and refrigerators from his home. I worked with him, suggesting that he find a small place in a commercial district, even share space with another small business. This is what he did, and now his business has grown exponentially. I see his trucks everywhere, he has expanded into all kinds of repair and contracting work. So I thought, this guy was direct and honest from the start, and I liked that. Chances are I won't see him but I may as well use his business. I called and left a message. One step at a time here.