January 6th, 2003

Roman

Thank you

Thank you, everyone who offered sympathy for the loss of Simba. I am trying to think that he is out of pain, that he probably didn't suffer long. I am not ready to think about the way he helped me change the sheets on my bed (by grabbing them and getting himself made into the bed), how he always adjusted himself when he slept next to me so he could be facing me, how he purred at the slightest provocation, how he snuggled and accepted me so completely. I am not ready yet.

I hope there will be enough distractions at work. Probably better than staying home alone. This too shall pass.

Thank you all for understanding.
Roman

(no subject)

My head aches. Lack of sleep. I figure I'll go to bed early tonight.

I made it through the day at work. I kept to myself, mostly, except that in the afternoon I contributed rather too much to the meeting. Volunteered myself for too much, is what. I found I could not tell the people at work, the ones who were there today, about Simba, in person. So I sent an email explaining why I looked like hell today.

I picked up Simba from the vet on my way home and buried him in my back yard. Fortunately, it rained recently, so I was able to dig and actually make a hole. If it were dry I would have been trying to dig concrete. He was wrapped in a plastic bag and in a towel and I left him that way, did not open it to look upon my beautiful cat one more time. Now I wish I had.

Burying him was a good ritual. I think rituals help us face things, move on.

I hope tomorrow is easier. I hope tonight is easier.