July 25th, 2002

Roman

(no subject)

I'm fidgety tonight. I did sleep a while, then woke and lay there thinking. I was dwelling on circumstances in the book I am reading: A Fairly Honourable Defeat, by Iris Murdoch, thinking ahead, actually half-dreaming, I think, of what is going to happen.

And I was thinking about Paul and his comments and Duncan's comments, and feeling generally out of sorts.

I'm okay, I went to sleep early because I was feeling so sleepy. I am wondering if the Vioxx has the same effect that way or if it is just this depression. The depression is not as bad now. I am managing.

Yesterday at noon I went to Scolari's, bought a cup of coffee and a biscotti, and sat in one of the dirty plastic chairs out front, reading. I noticed that the wind was blowing lightly around there, and it had picked up a two-part petal of a reddish flower and was blowing it in circles. I watched it tear around in little circles for a while, then suddenly it was dropped and lay still. The wind picked it up again, and I decided I had to have it. I got up, approached the petal, stood in the middle of the whirlwind for a bit before I was able to grab the thing, gently, because I did not want to smash it. I brought it back to the table with me to look at. It is two petals, overlapped, with stamens (I think that's the name) in between. I don't know the flower but it looks a bit like bougainvillea. It was mostly dried, wrinkled, yet kept much of the color. I put it in my wallet, in part to remind me of the delights all around. For it was that. The circling made me smile, the form of the flower made me smile. I realized then that I was not feeling particularly depressed.
Roman

(no subject)

I love the feeling of being under the covers, pulling up the comforter, when the outside is cooler. THis morning I wanted to stay there, enjoying the soft comfortable warmth.
Roman

cutting back

I deleted the trading spaces and msabo and murder me communities from my friends' list. I am still a member of these communities but I was getting tired of reading too many stupid posts or posts that simply mean nothing to me. Get over the "I heart Ty!" shit, I say about TS. The msabo group is just way too young. Surely there is another reading community out there that discusses books that aren't assigned reading in classes.
Roman

somewhat guilty somewhat pleasure

I bought a leafblower several months ago. It is a combination blower-vac and was well-rated for home use. Electric, of course. I tried the vacuum function the day I bought it, and discovered why gardeners don't much like them or use them as often as I thought they should. The vacuum is pretty inefficient, didn't pick up very well. I became frustrated fairly quickly. I put the thing aside until today.

I usually am perfectly happy to sweep and rake the driveway. It's exercise and it's satisfying because I'm getting something done. But lately my leg is not wanting me to do this sort of thing much so I decided to try the blower today.

I set it on the lowest speed. Even at this speed, it is very powerful. The noise at this speed is about the same as a home vacuum, not bad. But I discovered it does take some skill to work it and not blow dust all over hell. I got a little better as I went at it and even blew the dust off my car when I was done. I finished up with a broom, because I couldn't blow it together precisely enough.

These blowers first came into fashion during the drought ten or more years ago. They still do a good job of replacing those water hoses for clearing driveways. They save a great deal of time over sweeping. It is understandable why people would not want to pay a gardener for a half hour or more of sweeping. They also have uses, like cleaning gutters, that are quite efficient. I have noticed (and confirmed) that an efficient gardener doesn't use a blower for very long on any one job, generally. The difficulty, the annoyance, seems to come mostly from the neighborhoods where everyone has a professional gardener and they are all out at once. Or staggered. So there are blowers going all day long.

I did a lot of research into this years ago and, being a practical realist, I came to the conclusion that they do have value, that they can be used responsibly, that the noise levels have lowered dramatically in the newer models, and that they are here to stay. Just as hedge trimmers, vacuums, lawn mowers...all these other power devices are. I did rather enjoy cleaning my driveway in a few minutes instead of an hour. Which doesn't mean I won't go back to sweeping when I'm up for it.
Roman

Murdoch

The book is interesting. It seems in some ways simplistic. Obvious. Yet intelligent. There are discussions of right and wrong, good and evil, and there are characters who seem to represent certain points of view, certain lifestyles. It's immensely readable so I keep reading and I keep wondering where I will place the book by the time I'm done.
Roman

strange feelings but not so strange

I have been feeling a little edgy but okay. I am sitting in my flannel nightie, a short shirt-type, and I have been touching myself where I felt a little itchy, and then where it wasn't itchy. It's nice, I am happy to say, that one doesn't lose those sexual feelings after menopause. Only it makes me hungry.