February 27th, 2002


So are we going to make it?

I don't know. I went to bed a second time late last night, read for a while, slept fitfully, woke up at four, then five, then lay there until about six. Not much sleep. I am okay so far but don't want anything demanding to hit me.

Getting past the guilt; or, learning to let go

Today I decided not to do a workout because I am so tired. I sat on the couch reading and thinking and wondering if I can do it and not feel guilty.

When I told Jill about my hike up highway 1 in January and how I had to makeit up the last part and get to the viewpoint, in spite of the lateness of the day, she said that in my position she would probably have done the sure thing, turned around and gone back. She said she admired my guts or something like that. I said that what I now need to be able to do is to turn back, to say no to myself, to accept not doing the whole thing every time.

Today I tell myself it's okay and even a good idea to take the night off from going anywhere, to take the day off from exercise. And mean it.