December 9th, 2001

Roman

morning

At least I didn't wake up really early. It was nice to sleep that long. And to dream of various things. I don't remember them but I know they were various. 193.5 pounds. I wonder what it will feel like when I am trying to maintain a certain weight, not lose more. I had trouble with it before, and simply gained. I want it to feel right, good.
Roman

cake

I am baking a cake. Chocolate espresso cake, in a bundt pan I bought this morning. This is very unusual for me. But I wanted to test out the recipe. Maybe I'll use it again, if it works well.
Roman

(no subject)

I wrapped some presents today. This helps me see what I have already gotten, what else I might want to get. Helps me keep track. I have gotten sucked into LifeTime movies. Some of them touch parts of me, make me aware of the "issues" I am dealing with. These things come up in different contexts. Yesterday - the strong woman thing. Today - the acceptance of abuse. Reminded me of my fear of confrontation yet again.
Roman

Kathy

Kathy Smith today. I have gotten to know it so well that it goes by rather quickly, easily. I hope this doesn't mean it is now too easy for me. I hate that. I do feel like I did something, but I feel something in my neck, the back of my neck, like I'm getting sick or something. I hope that isn't it.