November 27th, 2001

Roman

cold

It's colder here than it was in LV. I am glad to be back but as usual sad to leave behind my babies. The rehearsal was good, looooong. I thought it would never end because I was so tired and so ready to leave. Tonight Dorothy comes over. I need to fit in an exercise video and maybe start some lentil soup before she gets here. I woke with a headache but it seems...seems...to be leaving...
Roman

(no subject)

I don't feel so sad today. I think this may be because Dwain has sounded still connected to me, not quite so distant. I feel like I use that as a crutch to get me by, that cutting off this connection would hurt too much. Is that so awful, that I want to avoid more pain than I already have?
Roman

Ah Tracie

So, my favorite video tonight. First time in SO long. I felt about as strong, maybe even stronger, than usual. Perhaps I really did need a rest from it. I was so tired before that I took a nap and forgot things I was going to do. Well, that's life.

Tomorrow I want to sign up at the gym.
Roman

poem

I came across this poem today. I wrote it back in May, thinking of Dwain:

Will you love me this way?
Will you love me by thinking of me?
In the middle of a thought
In the middle of the night
Will you think of me?

Will you love me this way?
Will you love me by asking how I am
And listening to the answer?
By asking about the little things
And the big things
In my life
And wanting to know the answer?

Will you love me this way?
Will you love me by thinking of me
When you see something I might like,
Will you love me by telling me about it?

Will you love me this way?
Will you love me by asking what I'd like to do
By thinking about what I might like
And then by doing it?

Will you love me by noticing me
By noticing my life
By noticing my smile
By noticing my eyes
My eyes wanting to trust you
Wanting to love you?

Will you love me this way?
Will you love me by tending to me
As I tend to you?

I want to love you this way
Can you will you love me this way?

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It isn't a good poem, I know that. But the thoughts in it are thoughts I had a lot of, and that, I think, were telling.