November 9th, 2001

Roman

(no subject)

I never would have figured I would wear Wrangler jeans and like it. They always looked too cowboyish to me. But I am wearing them now and they don't. They look terrific and they are long enough and everything.

Isn't it funny what we think about?
Roman

(no subject)

Dare I hope? I have had a lot of questions today at the counter and on the phone but none from lunatics. It's my day. I haven't gotten much done otherwise but it's good to be grateful for small favors.
Roman

The loneliness intensifies

Dwain just stopped by to say he can't see me any more. So none of this friends thing after all. He was crying, he said he knows he has hurt everyone he cares about. He couldn't explain.

Of course this makes me feel like shit. I have no response to it. I have done nothing to deserve this yet it feels like I have. Or maybe not, maybe it just feels like I have done nothing to deserve it. That is more frightening, because it is as if I have no control, I can't expect anything to last, I can't relax, I can't trust.
Roman

Is the fat lady singing?

Maybe it is. Maybe this is best. I can't think of a life without my friend Dwain in it, but I can imagine his being out of touch for a little while, until his head clears. The time may help me.