November 8th, 2001

Roman

(no subject)

Out with the old, in with the new. That's my motto for now. I was looking for a belt in my drawers this morning and the mess in there was so bad I took everything out of the top two drawers and threw it on the bed. So later today I will sort through it, throw stuff out, rearrange the rest. I think this is a good way to deal with loss.

I have been feeling fears about the coming three-day weekend. Alone for three days. Usually I look forward to that but when I know nobody is going to come over not only then but in the next week - that is, no Dwain - it makes me feel such pain. It's silly, really, but it's human. I am thinking about going somewhere. Maybe just for one day, maybe spend the night somewhere else. But where, that would not make me feel even emptier?

I looked at my cat this morning. There are reasons we gain from having animals in our homes. Bullet has no expectations except that today will be as good as yesterday. He doesn't look for a better life or regret what is in the past. He is there now and that's all there is. And that's all there is for any of us. Yeah, I know, hardly new stuff. But it helps to remind myself.