September 16th, 2001


waking up

I have been up a little while. Again, I woke up too early. I hope this does not become a habit. I am watching "Fix it" on HGTV. What's nice about these types of programs is that many of the experts as well as the ordinary people are women. So there are women showing men how to do things and men showing women, and it all is so egalitarian. It also kills the myth that repairs requiring power tools are for men.

203.5 pounds. I think I have become what they call "active", yet activity is still something I instinctively avoid! Little by little, this is changing. I wonder about the success stories I see in Shape magazine, for example. They often read like stories about adjusting machinery. "I was eating too much and not doing enough. I started exercising and ate less. I am much happier and thinner and healthier now." As if all you do is adjust here and there. The stories don't tell the real story, the pain and frustrations and ups and downs. Sometimes this makes me feel like I have nothing in common with these people. Other times I realize the difference is that these are often folks who gained weight or lost fitness as adults. They did not grow up slugs, as I did. There is a huge difference between regaining fitness you once had and getting it for the first time.

house designing

I keep getting illegal op errors when I change things in my home design program. This is common when I buy the off-the-shelf reasonably-priced things in a box. Of course it happens in the more substantial programs as well but so much more often in the cheaper. I am trying to refine the floor plan so it's more accurate and each step of the way is such a pain right now. I wonder why now, why this wasn't happening earlier.

out of sorts

It's another of those days. I feel unproductive. I feel like I am wasting my time. I keep getting on myself about it and that doesn't help. I went out to get food earlier and had a latte outside a coffee place, just so I would be near people.

I watched a checker at the grocery store work like a demon, without complaining or pointing fingers, and I was really impressed. But I didn't say anything! Shit! What good is it if you don't say anything??


Tracy Long today. I try to smile throughout because I think that increases the positive effect it has on me. ANyway, it makes me smile most of the time.

I cooked today. Pad Thai earlier and now a portobello-spinach calzone. both healthy and filling and there is enough left over for lunches. So I did something, anyway. Just not what I'd hoped to get done.