June 5th, 2001

Roman

(no subject)

So sleepy. I slept like a dozen logs last night. Dreamed of things like injustices in other countries - I remember a young person being shot just because she ...she what? spoke out, something like that.
Roman

(no subject)

Last night was my 23rd FIRM workout. I watched the whole video this time, including the tips. It was good, actually, and helpful. They said it takes 21 times to establish a habit and 100 times for that habit to become automatic, so they suggest setting those as goals and celebrating when you reach them. I also figured out - I suspected this - that I am not using heavy enough weights. This may be why I feel frustrated, like I am not getting far enough. But I have stepped from the lower three - 3, 5, and 8 - to the upper three - 5, 8, and 10 - lately. Maybe it is time to get some 12-pound weights. The exercises that depend on my body weight, of course, are just right. In fact, because of my extra weight I think I work damned hard at some of them.

The "hovers" are the ones that are getting to an extremely weak part of me. Because of my knee injuries I have used assistance for years in getting up, and some muscles practically do not exist now. But these exercises, which are very difficult for me, are starting to make sense and yield results. This is a lot of the reason I want to try skating again.
Roman

(no subject)

But my shoulders hurt. These aching feelings. I don't think they come from the exercise. I think I am fighting some kind of illness.
Roman

(no subject)

One of today's assignments...a poem about a feeling, modeled after someone else's poem:

There is fear in this world
There is a blackness
fastbreathing hesitation at the door
of discovery
There is a freezing
of intention
of life
There is no place to go
except where you've been
a well-worn path
the errant weeds trod down
by generations of travelers
who do not travel
There is a killing of spirit
The embrace of the known
and flight from the not known
a grinding-down of imagination
shrinking of vision
a death in life.