Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner


There was a lot of fighting in my childhood. Accusations made behind my back as well as direct fighting. My sister Mary loved to get the last word, so I learned that an argument never ended unless I somehow let her have that. I didn't want it to go on forever.

One time I became so upset that I hit my sister Karol in the stomach. I remember the other family members being very upset but not confronting me directly. I knew I should apologize but I couldn't. Is that why I avoid conflict? Because I don't want to apologize? I don't think so, at least I know I can apologize now. I do that rather well, even. So what is it?

I wrote a review of Vanilla Sky to Elaine last night - not the same as the one in this journal but somewhat similar - and then got to thinking what if Elaine is bothered by it, what if she doesn't agree? I worried that she would be upset with me. That's so silly! We can have differences of opinion without it meaning the end is near! Why do I think a disagreement means this?

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