Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner

another one

Ray hit on it this time. He said he felt the real question, with Dwain, is - should I entrust myself to someone who is so insensitive to my feelings? That made me think - that too has been the case again and again. Me, trying to get love from those who don't care about me? Is that it? Something akin to that. An impossibility.

Years ago I did a role-play in a therapy group. I spoke to my father. I didn't want to do it because I could not come up with anything to say that would work. but when I was faced with the empty chair supposed to be my father, and was asked, what do I want from him? I said, "I want you to be someone else". I knew he could not be what I needed. And so I keep going on finding people who can't be what I need. Now what the hell does this mean???

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