Judith Lautner (judith) wrote,
Judith Lautner


I am at Mary's house, alone. She rushed off to work, late, this morning, without her time card, because she couldn't find it. She wasn't in a great mood. But she went! It's such an old story now, but it is true that showing up is 95% of it.

Boy, isn't that the case with other things as well?

The after-Thanksgiving rush has already started, with K-Mart opening for a special 5 am - 11 am sale, others doing similar hours. I am tempted to stop by and take a look, but the crowds put me off. It would be more fun with Elaine but she is likely still in bed and takes forever to get dressed. I have a coffee date with her for ten.

Our thanksgiving meal was good, if disorderly, as usual. We don't ever seem to divide and conquer well. I must remember next time to BRING EVERYTHING. This business of going to the store at two in the afternoon of the day just doesn't bode well. It felt good to do some real cooking, though. I made some bread - sweet potato braids - that came out very well. And I made a nut loaf that did not stick together right but still tasted good. Elaine made a delish apple pie, using the See Canyon apples. There were several other things - I tried, really, to keep the numbers down, to limit the number of dishes, but gave in.

Elaine and Mary and Rich and Edwin and I ate the meal at elaine's house. There was something of an argument about the videos afterwards, which to play, who voted for what, which caused tension between elaine & rich. But this seems to be their normal mode, unfortunately. After that, though, we played Balderdash and that went very well, we all had a good time. Elaine loves board games and it turns out that Edwin does too, and we were all tuned in to it somehow so it was fun and there was no problem.

Yesterday morning Mary and I went to a nearby park and did the "course", went around several times, pulling ourselves up, doing pushups and situps and so on. It was a decent workout by the time we got through. Joey liked it too. We were going to do it again this morning but woke up too late. Also, I seem to have left my shoes at Elaine's! So frustrating! Maybe I can talk Elaine into a hike today, though.

The trip here was pretty good Wednesday. I started out in a seriously black mood and was worried that it would stay all the way but it didn't. I listened to music and thought and stayed as positive as I could and it was okay. I still feel such a dark thing inside me. It's been tough being here and realizing that nobody is waiting for my emails back home.

Yet I have had insights. The main one, mentioned here before, that I want love from persons who cannot give it to me. I still don't know what to do with this, how to change it.

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