I grew up feeling I was lazy and that whatever I did was not enough. For some reason I have always liked to work undetected, to have my work done before anyone could catch me at it. I did not like people giving me approving glances or in any way applauding my industriousness. Was this pride? That I did not like to be seen working? And yet did want my work to be noticed? Even the noticing, though, was suspect. I didn't want people to point out what I had done, yet I wanted them to know I had done it, to acknowledge that I'd made an effort.
( oh so much introspection...Collapse )