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Out of body experiences

Years ago, when I was a young'n, I was going somewhere with my sister Mary, and we had to climb some hills. I honestly can't imagine what we were doing or where except that there were hills. I was fat and it was not easy to climb. Mary suggested, in her infinite older-child wisdom, that I "detach" my legs mentally and move forward. I did that and my legs operated almost on their own, without feeling any pain.

Ever since then I have used this trick for times when I feel I am too aware of pain. Detach. It doesn't always work and never works for a long time but it helps me through some tough spots.

Last night I tried and sometimes succeeded. The risers had chairs, so I was able to sit between our movements, and when I was standing I did my best to detach myself from the pain in my left knee. I got through each one, then when I sat down from a longer time standing, I was in such pain that I know it was visible to those in the audience. I tried, later, to mask the expression on my face but by then I had indulged it too often.

Other than that! The music was wonderful, beautiful. Many times I was caught up in it so that the expression on my face was closer to rapture than pain, and I really got into some of the livelier pieces, was practically dancing on the riser. Well, it is really crucial to keep the beat for a fast-moving piece, so it was easier to move with it. I don't think that detracts any for those in the audience. We did get a standing ovation - I truly hope it wasn't just because they had had enough and were glad we were done. It's a long piece, and we had only one intermission so we could move it along. We succeeded in getting through it by just after ten, starting at seven.

Marty and Mary said they liked it, it was "nice", meaning they appreciated the effort but had no clue otherwise. Perhaps they liked the trumpets now and then. Paul was there - I caught a glimpse of him while I was on stage - but I couldn't find him afterwards. So no meeting the mysterious Bonnie. And Dwain was there with a date he introduced as his friend Vickie. I guessed she was the submissive he found recently - the one who didn't know that's what she was. One can tell these things.

There were glitches in the piece. I have reached a place where I don't agonize over them. Overall it was wonderful and that's what matters. In fact, sometimes when you hear the screwups you appreciate more how much of it really works. We have terrific musicians in the orchestra, and last night several of them had significant solos that they acquitted beautifully. Flute, clarinet, violin. Heavenly, heavenly.

After the concert we went to an after-concert party at a chorale member's house. LOTS of food and drink. We brought a Hobee's coffee cake, and left it there later. I munched on cheese log and crackers, a couple of cookie-things, pita bread and hummus, and had a glass of rich eggnog, some apple cider and finally diet 7-up. I didn't have any alcohol because I was already feeling headachey. In fact, I woke with a headache today.

Four of us traveled to and from the concert together: Mary, Marty, James, and I. So we dragged James to the party, too (not sure he would have gone otherwise). Mary really liked him and he probably liked her too. It was nice to spend this time with people I care about.

I feel pretty good today, considering the late nights and the riser standing. I took tylenol pm last night, and am glad I did. Woke at eight! So late for me. Mary just got up about a half hour ago so even more so for her.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 19th, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC)
Hooray! I know what you mean about the music--I felt the same this morning, when everything was working and it was just magical.

I've never thought about detaching as you describe it--I will, though! Next time I take a walk.

I'm so glad the concert was a success.
Dec. 20th, 2004 05:19 am (UTC)
Thank you. I am glad your performance went well, too! The utter joy of making music! It can't be measured.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Judith Lautner
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