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body thoughts

I think about my body a lot. I like being this size, this smaller size. Easier to fit into clothes, to do things, to have things look good on me. I look at myself in the mirror, check to see how I look, still feel surprised sometimes. I suspect that the way I feel is similar to how many adolescents feel when they first discover their new bodies. So it embarrasses me and I sometimes think I shouldn't be thinking so much about it. Perhaps I will adjust over time. For now, though, I still worry. I worry that I will slip back into the old habits and grow larger. I have such mixed feelings. I think being thinner is a lot healthier and that's the big thing, but at the same time I think some large women are beautiful just the way they are. In other words, it isn't a matter of size but of your own self-perception. It is unfortunate that so many of us base our self-worth on our size.

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Judith Lautner
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