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Bigness

I just finished reading Back When We Were Grownups, by Anne Tyler. Another "accidental" purchase through QPB. The main character in the book is Rebecca, who begins the book by wondering how she got to be where she is and what happened to the life she was supposed to lead. In the book, Rebecca eventually reconnects to her boyhood boyfriend Will, and finds that maybe she is "too large" for him. Not physically, although she is a large, soft, well-rounded woman. But she is more outgoing, more enthusiastic, more embracing of life in general.

Sometimes I feel this way about myself, although "outgoing" is not a term that describes me. I feel that there is too much of me for some people I know. It isn't an even match, if you want to look at it as a competition. I feel, when in the presence of such souls, that I have to step lightly and put a hold on my ever-arching bigness.

This sounds perhaps a bit conceited, and maybe it is. The flip side is that such bigness is not easy for many others to take.

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